the darkness

the other day i was watching oprah. she had three survivors on. each person had tried to take their own life in an attempt to escape from pain and unbearable depression...but they lived. and each story was about new-found zeal for life, two of the three talking specifically about their new faith in God. it was incredible to hear their stories, and how their lives have changed dramatically since, each survivor having an overwhelming desire to reach out to others who might be suffering through the same type of pain. i could relate...i understood the helplessness they felt, the desire for it all to just go away, the feeling of being utterly alone. depression is something i have dealt with for as long as i can remember. most of you know this because i am open about my struggles. just as these survivors are compelled to share their stories, i am also committed to reaching out to others who might be struggling with the darkness. for those of you who have never experienced serious depression, it is difficult to even imagine what those of us who have experienced it are talking about. it is beyond what is fathomable to you. darkness is a good descriptor....complete despair, feeling that nobody else could possibly understand, hope is gone, a feeling of sinking lower and lower, trapped in an unexplained, indescribable haze of helplessness, feeling weak and ashamed for not being able to "snap out of it"....depression. for all those who are feeling those things or who have felt those things....you are NOT alone. you are loved. you are not to feel ashamed. you are to know that you are a beautiful creation of God, who is loved and accepted just as you are. often before i sleep i pray for those who are feeling alone because for me, nights are bad. those are the hours i sometimes let negative thoughts invade my mind and consume my joy. but those are also the hours God comforts me and reminds me of the truth. i am not alone and i am loved. this is what i want everyone to know deeply in their hearts...you are not alone...you are loved. and if anyone ever needs to talk, please write to me or someone else you know.