marianne's musings

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

tears and cheers...originally posted July 31 on facebook

usually a title jumps out in my head and the words soon follow, but today i find myself struggling to write a brief update on all that's gone on in life for the last several months. a friend noted that i have not written on my blog since i sprained my ankle...i believe that was in february.this winter was fairly isolating and a wee bit dark, topped off by my brilliant ability to be clumsy. but out of the funk i came and into the light of spring and all things good. back to healthy habits and loving the outdoors, particulary walking in the rather large park so near my apartment, where coming across deer just off the path is frequent and peaceful.and then came summer. june, in particular, brought with it a hault to all that is rational or right. in one night my cousin's world was dumped upside down, her husband and two very young sons killed in a train/car accident. this was my closest cousin growing up, just one year apart. whenever our families were together on our annual trek down to miami she and i were always together. i have such great memories, and such love for my cousin, and such regret that the closeness we once shared we let slip away as adults. and the one moment she needed family the most, i felt like such a stranger and helpless to give her any comfort. funny thing, it's not about me and my desire to comfort my cousin...talk about self-absorbed. so rather than mourn the loss of my cousin along with her husband and two young sons, i am now choosing to affirm her life. as broken as it may be, it's still life. i think about and pray for my cousin daily and look forward to the day when we can once again share great memories and new stories.this summer i also said a final goodbye to my grandmother margaret, my last living grandparent. my dad asked if i would like to speak at her memorial, and i happily said yes. it was my desire to honor my grandmother and remember her with joy and a bit of laughter. so i spoke of the grandmother that was so opposite, so foreign to me as i was growing up. the one who became so special as i came to realize how much we shared.this summer hasn't all been filled with tears. the summer has also been filled with cheers...on seeing reese's first time in the lake, watching marshall play at a beach volleyball tournament, spending time with my parents, visiting and catching up with old friends, seeing some of my old students, getting to know the community i work and live in, meeting new friends, listening to the excitment in emma and sarah's voices when i invited them to go to king's island on monday (can't wait, haven't been since college)...i am thankful for life, thankful for family and friends. this is the day the lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. a song my mom sang so often in my childhood, which brings a smile to my face for more than one reason (my mom's lack of singing skills always made it interesting). i hope you too can find reasons to rejoice!