marianne's musings

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

running down the isle

Monday, May 22, 2006

yes, running! my friends mike and ruth are now married! to capture a bit of their individuality and love of adventure, they decided to run out of the sanctuary to the theme music of the amazing race. so just after they kissed and were introduced as husband and wife, the music started and they took off running down the isle, with all of us bridesmaids and groomsmen doing the same. thankfully i did not wipe out in my floor-length dress and take down phil with me, nor did anyone else.

the week i spent just outside of chicago was a great one. i enjoyed being a part of my friends' wedding and i enjoyed catching up with some old friends. during the first part of the week i stayed with my old lafsc apartmentmate, lisa and her husband brian. we get together every couple of had been a while since our last visit. the second half of the week i stayed at a hotel with my old l.a. roommate heather (matron of honor) and her daughter katie(flower girl). and then during the wedding festivities i was able to catch up a bit with old l.a. friends gavin and phil...and meet phil's wonderful fiance denise...who loves to dance...just like me! now mike and ruth are off on the honeymoon in thailand, continuing their life of adventure together!

i am thankful for all the wonderful people god has brought into my life throughout the years. and i am thankful for friends who inspire me to be a better person, express my creativity, and change the world. and i am thankful for friends who like to cut loose and dance!


Monday, May 08, 2006

so spring is here, now almost summer....and i am loving it. the lush green, buds and blooms, and amazing smells (like the lilac trees all through the neighborhood). most evenings i go for a bike ride around the neighborhood with my mom, and we just take in all that spring has brought. yesterday, i think spring made me a little crazy...when my niece emma(6 soon to be 7) was showing me the latest from her gymnastics lesson, i decided to join her in doing cartwheels. so without stretching or much thought and in my jeans and nice shirt, i do a cartwheel...totally pulling something in my leg. but do i keep on doing cartwheels and then join in races to the tree and back. today, my body is screaming of its thirty-one years. but i am still convinced i would have been fine if i had stretched a little first. despite my sore leg, i am so very happy spring is here. and i look forward to doing many more cartwheels with my nieces.

i am here

Thursday, April 27, 2006

do you ever feel overwhelmed by the world and what goes on everyday...war, greed, sickness, sadness...i do. sometimes i just want to scream and make everything ok for everyone....give food to the hungry, make safe the children who walk through the night, stop the greed and power-hungry push. i cannot make all the change in the world....but we can make a difference....each one of our own way. i have been waiting...sometimes patiently, sometimes not...for wherever god is going to take me next, but i think sometimes i forget that i am here in kokomo, here at my parents' house, here in my hometown, here in my home church, here with my family and old friends. what am i doing to make a difference while i am here, rather that thinking about what i will do some place and time in the future...what am i doing right here, right now? for a while i was hiding away. now slowly, i have emerged. i have been spending time with old friends, who are like family... maybe there is a reason we are reconnected in a more day-to-day way. time spent with my family can be so challenging, but i do love them so much. and then there is always my never ending battle for health...both physical and emotional. i have always struggled with my weight, ever since i was a child. it is a part of who i am, and through it all i have always desired to be healthy...i love activity...i love sports...i love exercise. there have been times when i have been more healthy, the most notable was the summer of 2001/beginning of my experience in the northern ireland. i had dropped a lot of weight and was beginning to be in great shape....but that was then and here i am now.... so i am out of hibernation....once again i am attempting a healthier life...and i am a mad woman on the treadmill. i love being outside, but the treadmill allows me to pace myself much faster. and my sister just returned my bike that she borrowed...can't wait to ride and i once did in my childhood when i practically lived on my bike or like my days spent riding along the ocean in california. i do wish i could be swimming, but i am living in the not at the minute. but for me, there is just something about being in the water...moving through god's creation with his warmth all around me and i am weightless, speachless, drifting in anther world, one of beauty and peace. so this is me, now, trying to live the life i have ....trying to make a difference in my life and the lives around me and looking for opportunities to make change in the world...who knows where i will be tomorrow.


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

in the midst of my job search, i have tried to remain confident and hopeful that the right job and circumstances would come along. at different times, i thought i had discovered what i was looking for only for something not to be right....they weren't what i was looking for, i wasn't what they were looking for, funding for the position wasn't there, etc. then out of the blue last week, everything started picking up and suddenly i found myself in a whirlwind of activity. three different serious opportunities, and the possibility that one might be flying me out to los angeles. it did not bother me that by the end of the week i had rejected one job possibility and another job possibility rejected me, leaving me with one option. i was so excited about the job in l.a., and feeling so thankful, that finally, after trying to be so patient, something was happening. all of this led up to easter. this easter i have had time to reflect on what it truly means for me and the rest of the world. and as i sat in my family's home church, pastor dominique spoke about hope. i had already been thinking about a quote i had heard recently..."hope is the ablility to hear the music of the future; faith is having the courage to dance to it today." peter kuzmic... i guess god really wanted to put hope in my heart and mind. yesterday, i was told by the guy in l.a. that they wanted to slow down the process, which deflated me just a bit. but today i remain hopeful of the possibility. and if it is not this than it is something else. i know there is a place for me...i know there is somewhere for me to share all the gifts that god has given me. i am building up the courage again to dance today.

the trip

so florida...overall, the trip was ok. i enjoyed playing in the ocean with my nieces. and of course, with my fair skin, i did burn a bit in the sun. died laughing when my mom wiped out on my niece's boogie board and then flashed everyone on the beach as she tried to get up (she was laughing too). we all had fun go-karting and water bumper boating. the week was good with little drama....that is, until the ride home. after being the driver for the first 12 hours of the day (through rain, several accident sites, loads of traffic, and my youngest niece's frequent outbursts) we joined an almost stopped traffic jam in nashville, where the tornadoes that had gone through the night before wiped out part of the freeway. at that point, my sister decided to criticize my driving skills, which did not go over well with me. we have since apologized to eachother. and i remain happy that i went along on the trip to florida. it is always strange being in florida on vacation on the gulf side rather than being down there for family stuff in the fort lauderdale/miami area.

fun and sun

Sunday, March 26, 2006

not sure how much sun there will be or fun. i'm headed to florida with my family at the end of the week. trapped in an rv (caravan....for my northern irish friends) for a week with my two neices, their friend, my sister, and our mom and dad. could be loads of fun, could also be a nightmare. for those of you who have met the van winkle family up close and in person, you know what i mean. but they are all excited that i have the chance to go along with them. so i am trying to get excited too. the week will involve water, which makes me very happy. (though the waves in florida are nothing like the lovely waves of southern california.) so here's to a week with my crazy family in a small, confinded place...may we all be sea loving, safe, and sane!

sunshine and saint patrick

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

yesterday i was on a walk in the neighborhood....the neighborhood of my childhood, where i once played, rode my bike, explored the woods and the creek...

sun brightly shining, clouds racing by, and wind was almost as if i was at the ocean...i could almost taste the salty spray. my thoughts wandered back to ireland. the strong gusts of wind took me to the edge of a cliff on the island of inishmore (the largest of the three aran islands off the west coast). my mom was over visiting. we decided to stay in galway for a weekend and take a ferry out to inishmore. due to my legendary motion sickness, mom and i stood on the deck while being pelted with the rain and wind. once on the island, we hired a very nice university student to take us around in his pony trap (a cart pulled by a horse). eventually we made our way out to an ancient ruin site up on the edge of a cliff. unlike american tourist sites, there were no warning signs, railings, fences, gaurds, etc. one could walk right up to the cliff's edge and look right down to the crashing i did (totally freaking out my mother). the wind was crazy, the sun was bright, the clouds were racing by, and the waves were crashing into the rocks...amazing!

northern ireland/ of the places i feel at home. god took me there. just like he took saint patrick there (though not saint patrick at the time). unlike patrick, i had a choice...i was not kidnapped and then enslaved as a teenager. eventually patrick was able to escape his captors in ireland and return to britain. but god called him back. patrick studied, became a priest, and returned to ireland. rather than see the people of ireland as barbarians or beneath him, patrick loved them and lived among them, as one of them. i love that because it is how i feel about life and ministry. i am no better than anyone else. i just love god and want to share that love and knowledge with others. and i am meant to do that in everyday living. so i look to the example of christ, his unconditional love for others....and i look to the examples of other remarkable people like saint patrick and mother teresa...and i look to the examples of wonderful people in my life. i am thankful for the faithful in the christian church, and i am thankful for being given a heart that longs to reach out to others.

thirtyone years

Friday, March 10, 2006

thirtyone years... i have been alive for thirtyone years. some might call me granny (kristine), some might think i am still a bit young, and some might not give much thought to it. i was not one who freaked out when i turned thirty last year, nor did i freak out turning thirtyone this year. there are so many wonderful things i have done in my life and so many more wonderful things to do.

wednesday was my birthday. two of my old friends (kerri - since she was born a year after me and amy - since junior high) and i got together to have lunch. both amy and i were celebrating our birthdays this week. the three of us have been through so much together over the years and have been more in touch and less in touch depending on our phases in life...but we always come together...we're like family. both kerri and amy have children...watching their children grow is sweet. when amy and i arrived at kerri's house, nolan, her two year old, was calling out "merryman!" little kids always struggle with my my young neices i also was aunt merryman. nolan had a huge smile on his face. isabel, her four year old, was excited to see us too. she looks so much like kerri did when she was four....blond hair full of static, butt chin, and a huge smile.

i love that god has given me amazing people in my life! and even in this time of uncertainty, i can rejoice in the wonderful life i have been given.

music and memories

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

tunes are floatin' around in my head. some songs take me right back to a memory...instantly, i'm there. like right now i am listening to a bit of travis, which takes me back to northern ireland...riding in the car with neil, kristine, andrew and emily. a day driving around the north coast, stuck behind pooping cows, and lying down on a bit of soft grass just on the other side of the carrick-a-rede rope bridge, looking up into the bright blue beautiful sky.
...u2's joshua tree album takes me back to high school days...late at night riding in a school bus back from a band competition...watching the lights flash by the window, while contemplating my teenage life.
...smash mouth's walkin' on the sun drifts me back to my first day devoted to the california beach with friends...bryan mcmullen, with newly bleached blonde hair, hanging out of my car window screamin' down the freeway "sunny, southern california...beautiful l.a....i love southern california!"
...b52's rock lobster throws me right into a circle of my crazy, freak high school band friends at high school dances as all the 'normal' kids watch us do our thing
...gretchen wilson's redneck woman tosses me back in frankfort, kentucky on the church bus with that crazy crowd of wonderful teenagers.
...any kind of european techno music pounds me right back to my days in the greenhut (when musical diversity did not exist) with all the young people full of life
...oasis' champagne supernova floats me back into my nova during college years, driving down the road with rachel zirkle
...third eye blind's semi-charmed life slides me into the back seat of andy kilman's car, while andy and bryan are in the front seat making fun of the song and then over come by the heat, bryan hangs his head (covered in an enormous straw hat) out the window, and as we drive slowly down the street he reaches out to people on the sidewalk desperately crying out, "ice cream...i need ice cream!"
...beastie boys' earlier albums take me right back into st. luke's gym, the night i first met john and eric, the two of them thinking they were so cool playing basketball and listening to the boys. intergalactic drops me into the parking lot of saddleback church...glen obsessing about kroq's early play of the song and trying to record it, while dawn and i were changing from church clothes to beach clothes in the backseat.
...keane's everybody's changing or somewhere only we know puts me on the road with kelly, headed to a keane concert in cleveland....the one where i almost kicked some scottich butt...oops
...steve miller band's jungle love swings me to my parents' garage during high school. me and my girls creating our own music video to rival the boys. and the joker takes me to the corner of hollywood and vine. sitting in my car at a stoplight with kristy, both of us waving madly to jerry o'connell in his 70's convertible heap waiting right beside us
...soft cell's tainted love or abba's waterloo grooves me back to a crazy l.a. night of karaoke with patti and jonathon
...there are so many more songs and so many more memories...i love the way music can transport, elevate, sometimes sink, awaken, and speak to my soul

to do

Thursday, February 23, 2006

some might call it a to do list, others might call it a list of dreams. there are so many things i would love to do in life. i just thought i would share a few...

learn how to surf
write a feature length script
read even more books (even after reading burnout due to grad school)
learn how to play the drums/percussion
help to build/repair more houses
play music again
compete in an amateur triathlon
make a difference in the lives of young people
never stop swimming....even when i am old and grey
travel all over the world...especially to vietnam, spain, kenya, tanzania,
germany, china, new zeland, and brazil
shoot a couple of documentaries
visit with all my extended family
drive a vw thing...especially along a beach somewhere
learn how to snowboard
do more with my still photography
continue creating handmade things
take a road trip (and one plane trip...hawaii) to every state in america
marry the love of my life (don't know him yet...)
make a couple of amazing teen films both in content and quality (john hughes)
go on a kayaking trip
grow in my faith and learn more of God's word
continue to visit northern ireland (monkstown!) throughout my life
ride in a hot air balloon
see a broadway show
live next to water
learn another language...besides my poor attempt at spanish and my
knowledge of northern irish slang
go white water rafting again
spend time with my family without drama
continue going to drive-in movies....(thanks to tommy for helping me discover
my love and carrie, jake, and johanna for feeding it)
go on a pilgrimage to the taize community in france
experience the end of war, hunger, torture, and suffering in the world....

just a few dreams i dream...not sure wich ones will actually come true, but i am never going to stop dreaming...what are your dreams?

turkey talk

Friday, February 17, 2006

so i am headed up to the frozen tundra today (otherwise known as fort wayne, indiana). my mom and i are going to help out with my brother-in-law's turkey banquet this weekend. yes, that's right....a turkey banquet. so me, the anti-gun girl will be in a room filled with gun enthusiasts. acutally, i do not oppose hunting and understand the need for guns in that context. (i do oppose the vice president shooting his hunting partner). maybe i will learn how to do a turkey call...oh, the excitement!

the olympics

Saturday, February 11, 2006

so, the olympics....i admit, i love the olympics. ever since i was a little girl watching them on tv. i wanted to be a part of them in some way....a swimmer, stretching my arm to make the touch or a ski jumper, flipping through the air or a figure skater spinning round and round. then in college my dream came true...well, sort of....i was a part of an eng camera crew for the atlanta olympic broadcast. talk about the chance of a life time. it was amazing. now it is ten years later and i would love to work at another olympics. but i am happy enough to just watch and dream like a little girl.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

i am thankful to be alive... i am thankful to have breath.... thankful for amazing experiences and amazing people in my life...

this week my friends dad sad...this was a man full of life, humor and the love of God. i am thankful to have known him for a short time. and i am blessed that he made me feel so welcome in a foreign land.

so in the midst of the craziness that i call life....i breath in and think of the good things in life....snow flakes falling from the sky, riding my bike along the beach with the wind whipping through my hair, the smiles of my neices, water flowing, friends who make me laugh till my stomach hurts (custard fights), exploring a new place, being the only person in a movie theatre, capturing a moment on film, listening to a storm roll through, talking with my creator...


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

my first

so i have decided to join my friends in the world of serious bloggers. well, i am not sure how serious i am, but i do enjoy expressing myself. i leave up to others whether they would like to read it or not. for all of my non-myspace friends, i thought i would post what i have written there first and then write new.