marianne's musings

Friday, October 27, 2006

new zealand australian work visa has not been approved yet. kimberly and i were hoping that i would be moving to australia in time for the student trip to new zealand and the end of the semester. this trip will be the first to new zealand. it would be good for me to be there with kimberly (director) and charity (intern). we would be able to sort out what to do on this trip for semesters to come. this time would also be a chance for me to get to know everyone, especially kimberly. so far i am the employee over the phone and's a bit strange...but unavoidable. so yes, i have been frustrated...but i am also ok about it all, knowing that God is in control of it all. and then, good news today. turns out i will be going to new zealand. i do not have all the details just yet (they'll be sorted out more on monday). looks like i will be flying to new zealand, then back to the states, and then hopefully, my visa will be ready, and i can move to australia.

please pray for my family...especially for my parents and my moving right before the holidays will be difficult for them. i'm ready, ready, ready...but i want to be sensitive to their feelings. not that i do not love spending time with my family on the holidays, but i am just so ready to get going.

ok, so that's the latest. i hope you all have a happy halloween! dressing up, eating candy, carving pumpkins...oh, so much fun...i love seeing all the little kids come to the door in their costumes and giving them candy! this year emma is dressing up as peyton manning (colts' quaterback), and sarah is dressing up as a cheerleader (to match her friend/boyfriend who is dressing up as a football player)...quite the sports theme this year!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

a funny "little miss sunshine" thing

on the lighter side of things, today i went to the movie to escape my parents as they prepared to leave for another rv trip. it's just not fun to be stuck in the middle of their yelling and carrying on while attempting to load up the rv and get it out of the driveway. this is the lighter side...i promise it gets better. not having too many movies to choose from, living in kokomo, with only one movie theatre...i picked "little miss sunshine." it was a movie i had actually wanted to see, but just hadn't gotten to it yet. it is not my desire to give too much of the movie away incase this is something you would like to see. so i will try to limited myself. "little miss sunshine" is a dark comedy about a little girl from new mexico who is given the chance to compete in a california beauty pageant. due to somewhat unrealistic circumstances, the entire family (the girl, brother, mom, dad, uncle, and grandfather) ends up driving out to redondo beach in a vw bus. i walked into the theatre knowing this much. i would guess that the elderly couple who walked in not long after me, the three of us being the only audience for this movie, did not have the same knowledge. i did wonder to myself, upon their entry, do they know this movie is dark that would usually be showing in an art house theatre, if there was such a thing in kokomo, indiana? but i settled in to watch the film, and was pleasantly surprised how much i truly enjoyed the movie. it was all about coming to terms with family. as dysfunctional as they sometimes can be, we must make a serious attempt at looking deeper than the first annoying layer, and loving far beyond what we might consider acceptable. and i did not miss the fact that i had gone to this movie to escape my parents...the completely dysfunctional, but completely loved pair. what was also not lost on me was the hugely funny moment at the end of the film when i was contemplating just how much i enjoyed what i had watched and the women of the elderly couple loudly states loudly just how terrible she thought the movie was. too funny! oh, and i love the end of the movie...the talent portion of the pageant...can't touch this!

the darkness

the other day i was watching oprah. she had three survivors on. each person had tried to take their own life in an attempt to escape from pain and unbearable depression...but they lived. and each story was about new-found zeal for life, two of the three talking specifically about their new faith in God. it was incredible to hear their stories, and how their lives have changed dramatically since, each survivor having an overwhelming desire to reach out to others who might be suffering through the same type of pain. i could relate...i understood the helplessness they felt, the desire for it all to just go away, the feeling of being utterly alone. depression is something i have dealt with for as long as i can remember. most of you know this because i am open about my struggles. just as these survivors are compelled to share their stories, i am also committed to reaching out to others who might be struggling with the darkness. for those of you who have never experienced serious depression, it is difficult to even imagine what those of us who have experienced it are talking about. it is beyond what is fathomable to you. darkness is a good descriptor....complete despair, feeling that nobody else could possibly understand, hope is gone, a feeling of sinking lower and lower, trapped in an unexplained, indescribable haze of helplessness, feeling weak and ashamed for not being able to "snap out of it"....depression. for all those who are feeling those things or who have felt those are NOT alone. you are loved. you are not to feel ashamed. you are to know that you are a beautiful creation of God, who is loved and accepted just as you are. often before i sleep i pray for those who are feeling alone because for me, nights are bad. those are the hours i sometimes let negative thoughts invade my mind and consume my joy. but those are also the hours God comforts me and reminds me of the truth. i am not alone and i am loved. this is what i want everyone to know deeply in their are not are loved. and if anyone ever needs to talk, please write to me or someone else you know.